I’m not going to take credit for making this up, but I’ve never heard of it and feel like I need this. If you need something like this as well, feel free to join. I’ll post the list of questions that inspired me for this challenge at the bottom.
As of late, I’ve been struggling with a “loss of identity.” It’s apparently normal for people like me with the type of disorder I have. Only now I’m at the maturity level to recognize it and have the awareness to seek help for it.
But with all mental illness, if you want to get better, you have to put the work in. So, I’m trying something new.
Each day, I’ll answer a question here. As well as posting it on various social media’s to see how other’s respond to the same question. Today’s question is…
If I Could Go Back In Time, What Would I Tell My Younger Self?
Just kidding.
For the sake of this journal entry, I’d go back in time and talk to my thirteen year old self. Why? Because this was the start of a time where I was developing confidence that was there for the wrong reasons and feeling worthless about myself because of that misplaced confidence.
Young Jessie would be in her bedroom, laying on the bed and writing in her journal about some boy or another and listening to some basic angsty emo band (some things don’t change.) I’d walk in and sit down, the old bed creaks and squeals under my weight.
I’d say, “You’re prettier than you think, you know.” Young Jessie shakes her head. “You are and it’s not just your body that’s attractive. You’re fun and funny and you don’t need to like what other people like or do what other people do to be accepted. You just have to be yourself and don’t give a shit about what other people say. The right people will love you for it and trust me, there’s so many other amazing people out there that will appreciate you for who you really are and they’re the ones that deserve to have you.”
Young Jessie chews on her bottom lip. “But what about my friends or everyone at the restaurant? I don’t want to be alone.”
“People like you way more than you think, you don’t have to pretend to be someone else. You just have to be you and you won’t ever be alone. But seriously half your friends aren’t really your friends and they never will be but that has nothing to do with who you are. They feel like shit about themselves so they try to tear you down. And honestly a lot of the people at the restaurant aren’t worth your time either, you don’t need their validation. Just be you and if they don’t like it, then fuck em’.”
“I’m scared, all the time.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know. Rejection is scary. Being alone is scary, but it can also make you stronger. Because loving yourself for who you are, instead of how other people make you feel is honestly so… liberating. And you need to love yourself before you can ever really know how to love someone else.”
That’s probably what I’d say, or something along those lines.
What Did Others Say?
I asked people on my various social media sites what they would say and here are their responses:
“Never lose your heart”
“I would tell myself, not to take people’s words at face value. Anything anyone would say I took it to heart and believed”
“Never give up, be strong, life is forever.”
“Not getting what you want right now is tough, but it will be worth it later. You’ll find out those things you ‘missed out on’ weren’t so great after all!”
“I’d tell myself to use my voice and to be LOUD about it- to never sit quietly when you feel uncomfortable and that ‘parents’ aren’t always right- what happens at home shouldn’t always stay at home.”
“I would tell myself not to take life so seriously and to pursue my dreams no matter how far-fetched and unrealistic they may seem.”
“To listen to my mother”
Jessie Sullivan 